• Autistic Masking: The Emotional Off-Switch

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    I was watching Harlots when I had a moment that stopped me cold. Harlots is an absolutely fascinating Hulu series about rival 18th century brothels and the women fighting to survive them. Totally interesting take, you should check it out.  Anywho, there’s a young girl named Lucy. She’s maybe 14, 15. She’s grown up in this life, her mother is a madam of one of the brothels. She sold her virginity maybe a week ago, give or take. Or maybe longer. Honestly it’s hard to tell time within the show. Or maybe that’s just me… *sigh* ADHD time-blindness is so real. She’s with a client and she’s struggling. Afraid to look. Afraid to move. Just frozen in something she clearly doesn’t want to be doing….

  • My hEDS Diagnosis Story

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    I was a bendy kid. I could do a backbend and walk my hands all the way back to my feet until my body made an O. I mostly sat with my legs in a W on the floor. So comfy. I would also sit with my legs tucked behind my head like a pretzel. I slept in a kind of child’s pose every night, but legs in a W and hands curled inward tucked under my chin. Just how my body wanted to be. I thought I was just built different. Cool, even. My body could do things other kids’ bodies couldn’t, and nobody told me otherwise, so I filed it under fun party tricks and moved on. Nobody mentioned hypermobility. Nobody mentioned Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome….

  • Mom Guilt, Chronic Illness, & The Mom I Pictured

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    Sometimes I feel like a failure.  I was going to be the mom I always pictured. Suzy Homemaker, you know? Doing art or science projects, fun scavenger hunts, and going to nature parks and playgrounds. Throwing DIY, Pinterest-worthy parties. Making dinner every night and fabulous holiday meals. Making their lunches with cute little shapes and fun notes. Making bread and pies from scratch. The Mom I Pictured Am I that mom? I was. We did a few full-on art and science projects every week. Played games or cards every day. We went to playgrounds or nature parks a few times a month. Side note: this is FL and it’s too damn hot — on that one I was dreaming. Threw Pinterest worthy parties that I…

  • The Misdiagnosis Pipeline

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    Trigger Warning: This post briefly mentions self-harm and suicide. I have been diagnosed with ADHD, bipolar disorder, MDD, GAD, OCPD, and PMDD. Oh, and I’m autistic. Collectively, that alphabet soup of a list isn’t a brag. It’s a warning label about what happens when the medical system doesn’t see the forest through the trees. It’s a cautionary tale of how many wrong turns a person can take when nobody knows how to look at the whole picture. Let’s start at the beginning. The Five-Year-Old Twirler I was five years old when I was diagnosed with ADHD combined type. Couldn’t focus, couldn’t sit still, stood up randomly to twirl at my desk then sat back down like nothing happened. The diagnosis is right but incomplete. I was…

  • Medical Gaslighting: Why I Had To Become My Own Doctor

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    Why do doctors go to medical school? Apparently, so I could diagnose myself. Let me tell you what doctors spend at least eight years learning: That’s it. Hey! I guess you’re a doctor now too. Congratulations! *rolls eyes* Our healthcare system is designed to solve single-symptom problems on a corporate assembly line. But human beings — especially neurospicy, chronically ill human beings — don’t work that way. We are a beautiful, complex tapestry. Conditions like hEDS, POTS, and MCAS weave across your entire body, affecting your brain, your joints, your sensory processing, and your hormones all at once. But doctors? They only ever look at one single thread at a time, try to “solve” it in a fifteen-minute appointment, and call it a day. Can’t…

  • This Cracked Teacup: ‘Cuz Spite Is A Valid Coping Skill

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    This is the worst time in America since like the ’60s to be neurodivergent and/or disabled — and lucky me, I’m both. So naturally, I started a blog, because spite is a completely valid coping strategy and I am nothing if not committed to my own chaos. Hi, I’m Lee. Welcome to This Cracked Teacup. Let me tell you what I’m working with. My brain: self-diagnosed autistic, ADHD combined type, PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder), MDD (major depressive disorder), GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), and OCPD (obsessive-compulsive personality disorder — not just anxiety-driven rituals, but a whole perfectionism personality). The last of which I think is really just the ’tism in a trench coat. My body: hEDS (hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome), MCAS (mast cell activation syndrome), POTS (postural…